Friday, July 22, 2011

the cutest (nose picker) i know

first i wanted to say thank you to all of you who wrote me a FB message, email or made a comment on my last post. it's very comforting to know you all are praying for me and my family. the encouragement about my writing continues to amaze me. thank you so much for your kinds words.

onto cuter, and less serious things...

so i thought i'd give a little kennedy update because it seems she has changed by leaps and bounds in the last 2 months, since i last wrote.

first of all she is now walking. and fast. me and 'lil bean have a hard time keeping up. she took her first steps around 13 months but by 14 1/2 months she's all walking, no crawling. just this week, she sprouted her 5th tooth. that's 3 on top and 2 on bottom. she was still eating a little baby food up until 14 months but now she wants only real food. her favorite veggies are fresh from our garden this summer: cherry tomatoes, baked yellow squash, and sweet peas. she hasn't met a fruit she does not like but she goes crazy for blueberries. almost every breakfast is cream of wheat, yogurt and blueberries, unless it's the weekend and we have pancakes, turkey bacon or eggs. her favorite proteins are black beans, turkey and chicken. her newest favorite food is almond butter on a english muffin and she loves it even though it makes for one messy baby.

we dropped her last bottle at 14 months and she drinks either milk or a 3/4 water+1/4 juice mix out of sippy cup but she loves to drink out of a regular cup and spill it all down her shirt. she doesn't drink a lot of milk during the day but loves cheese and yogurt.

about 2 months ago when i took her to one of my doctor's appointments and she freaked out, i decided i needed to find an option where she wouldn't have to go to my weekly appointments. she now goes to the child development center on base 2x/week for a few hours each day. this gives me a chance to take care of my appointments and grocery shopping, etc. she loves playing with the other kids at "school." i've also seen a change in kennedy when it comes to other people; she is more social and is not always so clingy to momma.

as far as talking, she isn't really saying any words except hi and uh-oh. she says momma and dadda but i'm not sure it's always in recognition of us. she is supposed to have 10 words by 18 months so we're working on that. she still takes a pacifier but we're trying to limit that to only nap and bed time so we're not impeding her speech development. speaking of naps, i've tried to transition to just 1 but she's not ready. she takes about an hour morning nap and another 1-1 1/2 hours in the afternoon. in the last month or so she's really been sleeping in! she still goes down between 6:30-7pm but lately hasn't been waking until between 8-9am!

her favorite game to play is still peek-a-boo and she likes to be chased. in the last couple of weeks she's been climbing on everything! she can pull herself up on the couch but she doesn't always want to sit first before getting down. this summer she really started loving swimming which is great because momma loves going to the neighborhood pool. her little baby pool or a sprinkler will also do the trick.

even though we explain to her she's going to be a big sister she doesn't get it. she knows what a baby is because i'll say baby and she'll go get her baby doll. i lift up my shirt and show her my belly and say baby. she laughs, pats it, and usually gives it big open mouth kisses. i thought this was sweet and that maybe she was getting it, but then one day she lifted up ken's shirt and did the same thing. :) i'm pretty sure his belly isn't as big as mine so i don't know why she's doing the same thing. LOL! love you honey!

her latest little trick is this...and honestly i don't know where she gets it. i'm trying to ignore this seriously, gross, unlady-like behavior!! (sorry baby girl, momma did post this picture of you! oh, the horror!) you are such a blessing to us...we love you so much!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

M. I. A.

yep, that's me. the missing-in-action blogger. i just rolled over to 2 months of not one. single. entry.

i was completely aware i had not been doing any kind of writing; blogging, journaling or working on my book; but i was unwilling to admit why.

until yesterday when i was in my counseling session.

i didn't want to get on here and write and write about how much i missed him because i thought 'it's been 2.5 years one wants me to go on and on and dwell on how much i miss my son.'

i've had more encounters with strangers in the last few months than i can count. they've gone a little something like this:
"wow, when are you due? they are going to be close in age. you're going to have your hands full!"

i wanted to respond with an annoying glare and say "well, i should have 3 kids, age 2 and under. now that would be 'hands full!'" and walk away. thankfully with each and every encounter, i maintained composure and grace, smiled, and said something like, "yes, i know, it will be great!"

before matthew, i dealt with grief linearily. i did not have a lot of experience with grief prior to losing my son but with the losses i had in my life; parents divorce, grandparents' deaths, cousin's death, and my best friend matt's death, i grieved, shelved it, and moved on. the hardest one for me that lingered for a bit was matt's death but after some time, i accepted and moved forward. but i didn't have days where i would cry and cry. i never felt like the grief was lingering. my measurement of how i was doing with said grief event was weather i had "gotten over it."

please don't think i'm cold and insensitive. each of these losses hurt me deeply. but when bad things happened, i had a pattern of grieving and...then moving on. i didn't allow myself to revisit the sadness. i just got on with it.

after losing matthew i came to understand through counseling that the grief process was meant to be lived in stages. although i am now in the acceptance stage 2.5 years later, i've had to get used to the fact that matthew's death is one that i will never completely get over. and that's ok.

now when life becomes stressful or hard, the grief of losing matthew may attach itself and hurt some. it's just a fact.

we have many changes coming up in the next few months and these things do not come without stress. we'll be having our 3rd child, sending my husband off to war in afghanistan, and moving to arkansas all within a month's time. and all the prepping that comes with that, finding a renter for our home, packing, etc. is just icing on the cake.

i would appreciate your prayers for my family during the coming months. the community of people who read this blog have always been so wonderful to me and my family and i feel very comfortable in asking you all to pray for us.

i know God will provide for all of our needs and He doesn't want us to stress. it's tough to die to myself and trust the One who can handle all the details. but i know, He can.

now that i've come clean on the reasons behind my m.i.a. status, i'll try and get on here more often when i'm not chasing a 15-month-old or napping from chasing said child. and while i would love to continue with project 365, i just don't think i will be able to keep up daily. certainly i will write about the things i am thankful for in my life because i do feel like it changed my perspective on life. and i'll need to share a cute picture or two of my growing-too-fast 15-month-old that amazes me each day! and yet, sometimes i'll just need to get on here and share. sometimes i'll just need to write about how much i miss my son. i hope that's ok.

thank you dear friends for all of your prayers and encouragement!