Wednesday, March 23, 2011

project 365 - day 82

sometimes, when i go long periods on here without mentioning my son matthew, i think people may think i have forgotten him. let me assure you; nothing could be further from the truth.

if it wasn't for matthew, i wouldn't still be writing this blog. i wouldn't be looking for ways to really live, to find something to be thankful for each day.

angie smith said that while she is thankful for the opportunities God has given her through speaking and writing since she lost her daughter, she would trade it all to just have audrey back.

i feel exactly the same. no i'm not a speaker (and i hope i never am!), and i'm not quite a published writer yet (although i hope to be someday!), but i have been given a platform to help others through this blog and networking with other baby-loss mommas. but not a day goes by i wouldn't trade it all to just have matthew back in my arms.

every time i see a boy who is just over 2, i ache for my boy. i am sad that kennedy will grow up without her big brother. not a day goes by that i don't think about him and see his sweet face in my dreams.

i don't know why i needed to write this post but i just wanted to make sure you all knew, matthew is behind every single thing i do. everything. his sweet short 5-day life on this earth mattered so much to me and his papa...and countless others. lives were changed because of him. and i hope they continue to be.

today i am thankful for my precious son...not a day goes by that i don't think about you sweet boy. you are my everything. my every reason. God has given life through your life. i love you so much!

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