Wednesday, February 2, 2011

project 365 - day 33


i have the privilege of leading a bible study these next few months at our church. well, leading is really a strong word. it's more like facilitating because truly, we get to hear beth moore teach us about the patriarchs. although we're only on week 2, i can tell this is going to be an amazing study. i mean having a gifted and insightful teacher, who is from texas...yeah, that pretty much seals the deal. i'm so thankful to be apart of this.

today beth talked about fear. false evidence appearing real. listening to her today, i thought she kept saying  my name at the end of each sentence. "the enemy wants you to be afraid, cortney. he's there to tell you 'you can't' cortney."

i started thinking...how much fear did i have in my life before matthew, because i have a pretty good idea of how much there is now. honestly, i don't know that i feared all that much before we lost him. sure, some small things, sure some "no God i can't do that" moments but the amount of fear i have dealt with and still face since matthew's death is significantly more.

i fear i will lose ken in a tragic car accident. i fear that kennedy will go to sleep and won't wake up. i fear a family member will call with tragic news of someone's death. i fear that people won't like me. i fear we won't have more children. i fear i won't be able to finish my book. i fear i will fail my husband. i fear i'll screw up my kids' lives. i fear.

is that what God wants from me? to always fear. to not live my life called according to His purpose? to say no to Him because i wouldn't be any good at it or because i don't know how to do it? absolutely not. the life we live in fear is a life that is bound in chains.

the life God has given us after accepting Christ as our Savior, is a life of freedom, grace, and hope. not a life of fear. we may say, "God i'm afraid. i'm not sure i can do this." but His loving answer will always be, "i know...that's why i'm here with you." trust me with all your heart; and lean not to your own understanding. (prov 3:5) fear not, for I am with you (isaiah 41:10).

what is it that you fear? can you trust God enough to help you with it?

p.s. i'm also very, very thankful that the friggin' groundhog didn't see his shadow. i'm freezing here in md and i need an early spring! how about you? i mean even texas has snow and yesterday my friend wrote to me that austin was going to have a 0 degrees windchill last night. wowsers. global freezing indeed! seriously y'all!

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