Friday, January 22, 2010

really?


i was shopping at target and saw this. i have to say i was tempted to buy it. if it had been like $15, i would definitely have thrown it in my basket, but 30 bucks? i am amazed they have something like this out there.
lately i have been really curious about the baby's gender. i think i have posted before that i used to think it's a girl. but then a few things have taken place that make me think it's a boy. to be honest, i was scared. what if it is a boy? will that be sad for me? i took my concerns to my counselor and we talked it through and what reactions i might have.
since i have not held another boy since holding matthew at the funeral home, she suggested i hold a boy. my friend from bible study was very understanding and we scheduled a time for me to come over. i wasn't sure if i would cry or what. but when i got there, it was just like holding other baby girls i have held since matthew. he didn't look like matthew or remind me of him. and he was not mine. surprisingly it was way easier than i thought it would be.
so i talked with my counselor again and felt like i would be okay either way. i'm going to love this child no matter...i know that to be true. and whether it's a boy or a girl, it will be a little sad that he/she will not have his/her big brother here on this earth.
one thing is certain, God has created this child with his/her own personality and looks. and the cool thing is that He has created this child to be EXACTLY what ken and i both need.
now that's comforting.
we'll meet 'lil bug in 80 days. we can't wait! please keep praying for our little miracle.

1 comment:

Patti said...

I REALLY think.............BOY!! Do not know why but my gut feeling is boy. You must know, however, that I thought Brooklynn was a boy. I was 100% sure she was a boy and she is a girl so do not go with my instincts!