Monday, January 4, 2010

approaching one year

when i think about this coming wednesday, jan. 6, i can't believe it's been a year since our sweet matthew phillip was born.

actually when i think about it, i can't catch my breath.

we got through the holidays, without many tears i might add, and it wasn't as sad as i anticipated it to be. but then like a freight train, it all it me this morning. i cried and cried and whaled and whaled at the realization that i would be leaving tomorrow to go to austin to celebrate my son's first birthday. not with a party, a pony and seeing him devour a cake. but instead at his grave, launching balloons to heaven where he is.

we miss matthew so much and it makes me heart actually ache. today i felt sick to my stomach and i'm pretty sure it was nothing to do with the pregnancy and everything to do with missing my boy.

i think about 'lil bug and how he or she won't have his big brother here to show him/her the ropes and it breaks my heart. we were watching wheel of fortune tonight and in the introductions, the marine said he had 2 girls,"katie who is 5 and lilly who is our angel in heaven." i burst into tears. yet another family who has experienced this kind of loss and heartache.

one way or another, we will find strength in the Lord to gather at matthew's grave on wednesday and celebrate with friends as we launch balloons in his memory.

one way or another i will be able to make it through the day.


Patti said...

You will make it because you are so strong in your faith and have such a loving relationship with your husband. Together your strength will get you through the day.

Amy Anderson said...

Been thinking of you today...praying.


Betsy said...

God Bless you two. And your families. I'm praying for your new baby. You are so strong, and an inspiration to those of us who have been wandering in the wilderness without Him, who is the only one who can heal us.

相機 said...

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