Sunday, May 17, 2009

the gravestone

it has been a very difficult week.

our funeral director took these pictures for us when the gravestone came in. i wish i could be austin right now so i could just sit and talk with my son. i miss him so much. i don't know if it was the sting of mother's day or all of the changes that have been going on. but my heart breaks for my boy.

we found out about 5 weeks ago we were not going to be able to leave greece in june; however they were still trying to get us out of here in august. but this week we were told it looks like october because the navy does not have money to move people from their current duty stations until FY10. i won't go on and on about how angry i am that they are doing this to us. in short, i am not ok with this.

i am still praying for a miracle to get out of here sooner...i just can't imagine why we still "need" to be here. sometimes it feels like only the navy is in control. after all we have begged and pleaded with God to get us out of here.

is He listening??

greece is now such a painful place with heartbreaking memories. if october is what we have to deal with then ken and i are going to be faced with making a decision. i desperately need counseling, a beareaved parents support group, and an OB specialist, none of which i have here. i covet your prayers for us to be able to leave here in august.

my mom gets here for a 3-week visit on wednesday. ken has 2 work trips back to the states and my mom was able to come over and be with me. it will be so great to have her here.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

happy mother's day

i just wanted to wish my mom, stepmom, mothers-in-law, and all of my family and friends who are mothers a very special day tomorrow.

let me don't quite know what to say to me or what to think about this post?

let me make it easier...

i know i'm a mom too. there are several of us out there who are mommies to angels in heaven. we will not have the ability to snuggle with our babies tomorrow, asking for kisses, and hearing our children tell us audibly they love us and "happy mother's day, mommy!"

but i do have the ability to envision my angel in a place so magnificent i cannot comprehend. matthew phillip is in heaven with our Father and it is a much, much better place. much better than what i can give him here on earth. he's smiling, laughing, and loving. and in my dreams he's telling me he loves me and he can't wait to see me. he also says "happy mother's day, mommy!"

how can i look at mother's day like this?

it's the only way i can look at it...

or i might not get through tomorrow...