Tuesday, August 4, 2009

hello from me, the blog stranger

one of my friends said to me recently, you haven't posted in awhile so i just wanted to check how you're doing.

hmmm...so it's obvious when i'm not doing well?

darn, i thought i could hide it by being a recluse.

my birthday was full of fun with my sweet husband and our best friends, bill, joni and jack who came up from raleigh, and my sweet friend sarah flew in from austin and surprised me. sneaky girl. we had a great day of boating and CB and pauline were able to join us -- they live here. the only problem was ken's bad fall resulted in a broken rib that he realized a few days later. yeah, he's not so young anymore...he can't be doing all that fancy wakeboarding stuff! bill's mom, cynthia who lives in annapolis, knocked herself out cooking me a fantastic birthday dinner. ken even got to reconnect with an old friend from NAPS (naval academy prep school) he hasn't seen in 15 years. eric and his family live here so we look forward to seeing them more.

(i wish i could upload the pictures from the b-day weekend but blogger is not cooperating right now...i'll try later.)

i just kept thinking, i should be sharing this weekend with my son. explaining to him that this was mommy's first birthday with him and how much her life had changed for the BEST because of him. so i was, a little, or a lot, depending on how you measure, sad, that weekend. but i tried to stay as happy as i could. after all, these wonderful friends went out of their way to make this a special time.

on sunday sarah and i, and joni, bill and jack drove down to raleigh, spent the night, and then the girls, jack and i headed to south carolina to see angie and meet her second baby, M.E. (mary everett) who was born april 30.

it was a wonderful time. it was a difficult time. when i arrived i saw M.E. and she was adorable. you see, baby girls do not make me sad. it's not hard for me to be around them at all. especially not this one; she belongs to one of my best friends. but what i was not expecting, was to walk past andy, age 2, jack, age 1 and think, matthew would be exactly 1 year younger, and in a year from now, he should be playing cars or arguing with them over kiddy lawn mowers.

i went to the car and broke down. and my friends understood. they finally saw the bad, and the ugly. see, from greece, i only reached out to these very best friends of mine when i was doing ok. no one, except ken and my mom, saw me or heard from me when i was a wreck.

i was and still am, a wreck, more times that i would like to admit.

so since getting back from s.c., i've been back in annapolis, adjusting, stressing about buying a house, and getting used to seeing pregnant ladies and newborn-to-6 month-old boys ALL OVER this town.

i stay home more than i need to.

but one place i am thankful for is the brigade sports complex, otherwise known as my free gym at NSA Annapolis. seems the baby boys and pregnant ladies don't really hang out there as much as they do the commisary, the NEX, target, petsmart, sprint, etc. could i literally continue to do all my shopping online like i did in greece? the plus side is that it will get to me house way sooner than it did in greece. the down side; i'm not facing IT.

IT. yuck.

and then i had this crazy idea (actually i have to blame joni and angie conspiring while we were in s.c.) to train for a HALF MARATHON.

does anyone remember how i was training for the athens marathon right before i got pregnant with matthew? oh yes, how i hate to run.

but apprarently this idea has taken flight and quite possibly could be transformed into something bigger. let's just see how the half on the jersey shore goes on oct 18.

october 18, 7 years ago, we lost "big" matt in a navy jet accident. our son is named after him for all you new followers of my blog. sometime soon i'll tell the story behind our matthew phillip's name.

anyway, this jersey half just happened to be the only half marathon within driving distance 12 weeks out. really? it just happened to fall on that day? hmmmm....

although my knees want to fight me on this, i hope to start and finish this sucker on oct 18. i have no time goals. my goal is to run (or crawl) across that finish line. that's it. please pray for me.

speaking of prayer requests, i'm currently going through the establishing doctors thing. while my case scared one OBGYN away, i am hopeful, now that i am in a new network they will not be scared; but be insightful and graceful, patient and understanding. i've had some pains that are unexplainable, other then possible scar tissue from my c-section, so they need to figure this out. i'm excited to have the opportunity to be in the johns hopkins network as an active duty dependent. this network is offered to active duty and their dependents here in maryland and a couple other places in the country.

if you could pray next monday at 11am for my appointment with the OBGYN i would appreciate it. i hope i can get through the appointment without balling my eyes out.

i had to go to the Family Practice doc yesterday to establish myself as his patient and get the OBGYN referral. as i opened my medical file to show him and read to him what had happened, i broke down. he was gracious and found a kleenex.

let's hope and pray this gets easier...


Anonymous said...

I don't know about your whole birth experience getting easier, but it will become more bearable. He is your little boy. He lived. He'd worth the pain and God has given you the skills to cope and would never let you carry the burden alone. That's what family (especially Ken) and friends are for. To lean on. And by the way? I can't wait to see you when things settle down with the house. :)

Anonymous said...

Sorry, the last post was by me, Debi. :)